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Show me your little bird by Katia Elkaim

November 3, 2020.

The government has just announced a new containment that does not bear its name, in order to put an end to this damn virus.

Although fed up with these restrictions like most, and frustrated not to see my loved ones as I would like to see them, I will abide by these new rules for the common good.

So, when I came home tonight, hungry because of my new diet, nervous about tonight's U.S. elections, and most of all appalled by the blind violence and hatred of some people that even a pandemic can't silence, I walked through the social networks and there, like a flower in the desert, I saw an ad: "stop your leaks for good and strengthen your pelvic floor".

For those who don't know, the pelvic floor is: "a set of muscles that closes the lower part of the pelvis and has three openings: the urinary meatus, the vagina and the anus. It plays an important role for urinary and anal continence by supporting, like a hammock, the bladder, uterus and intestines”.

I'm not particularly prudish, but I have to admit that I still have a very old-fashioned sense of decency that forbids me normally to talk about my pelvic floor - and what it provides support for - in public and also in private.

It reminded me of the advertisements of yesteryear for sanitary protections, where we were shown a young woman spilling a blue liquid on a pad, to make us forget the color and nature of the moist that was going to permeate this piece of improved cotton.

But I’m derailing from the topic.

Let's come back to the strengthening of my pelvic floor and the necessary equipment that I need, as shown in a small demonstration video. The object has a phallic shape, a nice pastel color, pink or pale green. The hostess explains with an anatomical cutout where you should insert the device.

No, really? I thought it had to be put in the ear!

Then, and this is where new technology comes into play, you have to contract your pelvic floor - and what it provides support for - to make butterflies and birds go up and down on your cell phone, then pandas, then unicorns maybe, if you're good enough to get through several levels of play.

The funniest part is obviously the comments, and here are a few selected pieces:

"I wonder if we can play together and compete" Karen

"Can you play Scrabble with it? "Marina

"Arthur, I am a game! " Isabelle

"Does it vibrate when you kill a bird? "Noémie

"I want to play bird-watching with my v..." Daria

It's about time technology took an interest in the subject, don't you think?

More seriously, what this ad highlights is the taboo that still reigns around women's pleasure and their desire to have it. When it is spoken about, it must be camouflaged in childish packaging to make it innocent.

Sex is a matter for grown, consenting girls, not innocent at all. It can be whatever they want it to be.

So, at the age when you need a steel perineum, after having given birth to a child or children, which is no picnic, ladies, don't you think that if someone dedicates a game to you, the least they can do is not to treat you like idiots?

Picture Sam Mann

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